Black lives matter

I assume everyone around the world has heard about black lives matter and the recent atrocities that have come to light.

This is just me venting.

To those people saying why now, if it been happening for so long why are you protesting now? To those ignorant people, these people have been protesting and fighting this their entire life, you just didnt know about it. Because it gets covered up, it gets sidelined, but this case couldn’t.

This movement is not a new movement, it’s been around for a while, but once in a while people get tried of not standing up or people are faced with a case that is in your face and is so brutal, such as with George Floyd case.

To the All lives matter people :I agree, all loves matter BUT right now, we are trying to fight for Black Lives Matter. They need our help and support now!

As I read somewhere (credit goes to that person): saying all lives matter right now is like going to a childs funeral, taking the mic and shouting, all children matter. You wouldn’t do that. So dont do this now.

As a person of colour, I am not black, I stand and support with Blacklivesmatter.

My heart goes out to those people that live with the pain of losing a loved one in this manner, for kids who are scared it may happen to them one day and to all the people who live their lives with that fear with them every minute of the day.

To the governing powers, do something about this. Rather than spending your time and money on campaigning and false promises, you should do something about this. Actions speak louder than words.

All lives matter and those who don’t support black lives matter, we dont want hate, your opinion is your opinion, but please, just be quiet so that black lives matter can be heard.

The brightest smile hides the most tears


Sometimes in life you come across someone who is so lively, spunk and makes jokes, someone who always brightens up your mood. And you think to yourself : life must be really good for that person, they’re so happy, nothing must have gone wrong in their life.
And you think to yourself; wow, this so unfair, they have a wonderful life and I have all these hardships.

And sometimes we need to stop and think.
Someone who has been through a lot in life, someone who’s constantly been knocked down and got back up with absolute no-ones help, someone who knows what the darkness is, who knows how scary and alone the darkness is.
That someone will never want another to feel they way they did.
So, they smile, make jokes, act silly to make others happy.
And while you might think, this person is so immature. That person is thinking to themselves, I made them smile, I took a little darkness away.
All while they are lonely and crying in the inside.
And YES, they’re wishing that someone can do the same for them.
YES, they’re wishing someone could see the darkness lurking beneath.
And YES, the wish someone could make them smile.
But it doesn’t happen, so they plaster on a smile and help others.

But to some, that smile, is like putting a plaster on a bullet wound.

So, the next time you see such a bright soul, just think to yourself, they may have problems that I dont know about.

If you are that person, find someone or some platform to help you.
Know that you are no alone and that someone will always have your back, even if you dont see it.

To everyone else, stop judging people based on how they appear. Look further than the surface and you will find the true person.

The brightest smile hides the most pain.

Let the tension begin

So we all know the havoc Covid19 is wrecking on the world.

As of yesterday 27 March 2020, my country went into a 21day lockdown.

Now we all know that being confined brings out the worst in people.
Well today it did in my house, well kinda.
So I still live with my parents and for 2 weeks now I’ve been home because university got cancelled. And well, tension is running high.

Now, mind you my parents and I get along really well. But ever since my brother passed away in 2018, over been very complacent. I’ve put my parent before me in every single way, but in the process I’ve made myself a doormat.

Now, I’m not without my faults, I’m a fussy person, not in a bad way. More like, my pillow for example (a lot of people come and stay and they use my room as a guest room) and I hate people using my pillow. So I didnt throw a fuss, I took a spare pillow and keep it in the cupboard and take it out to sleep only.

Well, tonight I came up from the lounge wanting to go to bed.
My mum is lying on my bed on the phone.
Despite knowing I want to go to bed ( I suffer from a pinched nerve, so after a full day of studying I need to lay down) she continues on the phone.
So me being me, I didnt outright say anything, because well, call me a doormat. But I slinked around the room trying to show her I wanna go to bed. Eventually I left my own room and went to another.

That’s not even the worst part.
The pillow I spoke of earlier was under her back and ass. The pillow I put my face on had her ass on it.

But I didn’t say anything. 

About 10min later I left the room I was in and I meet up with mum in the hallway and she says to me ” I vacated your room long ago” and I replied with ” well, how was I supposed to know”
I mean I’m in a whole other room, unless u tell me , how am I supposed to know.
Then I tell her about the pillow and she insists it wasn’t on her ass. Like no it was, just admit it and say sorry.

Then 2min later she comes into my room and tells me she doesn’t like this caustic side of me .
Please, honestly tell me was i being caustic?
And goes on to say she wont be on a call in my room anymore.

She made the whole thing an issue about something that was never the issue.
I just didnt like that she had her ass on my face pillow.

All of this was said in normal voice, no shouting.

But now I feel like I cant even Express myself.
That they’ve gotten so used to be being complacent that they think I must always act like that.

For almost 2 years, I’ve put my entire life on hold for them. I’ve held off my emotions so that they could deal.
Ended up with anxiety because of it and this is how I getting paid back.
With someone who made me feel bad for stating something that troubles me, from the person who told me to do exactly that.

Anyone who has been through grief or even struggles, you know that point where you give up.
Well that’s me, I’ve given up (not on life) but I just don’t have the energy to stand up for myself, to fight.
I just feel so done for.

I feel like no one understands me
No, I’m not a pubescent teen, I’m a 21 year old girl.
But sometimes I feel like I’m 40.

Anyway, theres nothing I can do.
I guess I’ll just have to endure.

I just wish I had someone who understood me. I feel so misunderstood and unimportant.

Anyway, if you feel or have ever felt like this, let’s talk.
I wouldn’t want anyone feeling the way I do.

Till next time,
Ordinary girl

First time

#life #struggles #happy #lifeishard

So this is my first time blogging.

I guess I created this to let off some steam, but to also help people to not feel the way I’m feeling.

A brief summary on me:

  • I’m 21 years.
  • Im an university student, currently in my final year.
  • I’ve been through alot of things I’m my life.
  • Elizabeth is not my real name, because why not. But in actuality I like my anonymity.
  • I love pride and prejudice, as you can probably tell.

In conclusion I’m an ordinary not so ordinary girl, just looking to help myself and others.

So, join me on my somewhat rollercoaster of my life, guaranteed to make you smile, laugh and cry. Sometimes all three at once.

Till next time,

Eliza